This NFL offseason has been a doozie. From the bizarre story of new Redskins acquisition DeSean Jackson to Chicago Bears mega-signing Jared Allen, there are no signs of this exciting 2014 slowing down. Here are the top 5 NFL Offseason rumors circulating right now.
1. Josh Freeman (QB) to the Oakland Raiders
Josh Freeman’s hour is just about up if he can’t resuscitate his career and prove himself as a viable option at QB. Oakland can offer him the structure he needs to prove everyone wrong, and there have been whispers of him meeting with the team sometime this week to see if they can work out a deal, and maybe avoid drafting a QB in the first round.
2. Peyton Manning (QB) to the New England Patriots
I know, I know, you think it’s crazy. But check out this tweet by Buster Olney, who later deleted it in hopes of covering up this inside scoop:
But honestly, with Tom Brady’s recent death (see here: Tom Brady Dies In Car Accident), I see no reason why New England couldn’t throw enough money at Peyton to bring him over. Do you really think Peyton wants to stay in Denver after all losing the Super Bowl???? Yeah, me neither. He would be a perfect fit, and more importantly, a fan favorito.
3. Russell Wilson (QB) to the New York Yankees
Rumors are rumors, I know. But a source very close to Rachel Nichols of CNN Sports has leaked confidential information about a secret meeting between Russell Wilson’s agent, Ryan Atwood, and the Bronx Bombers regarding an astounding $10,000,000/yr for 5 year deal that would put Russell Wilson in pinstripes. Don’t hold your breath, but a guy like Russell could certainly add to his already-growing legacy with a stint in the MLB.
4. Your Mom (OL) to the Jacksonville Jaguars
Despite having just Luke Joeckel, the Jags could use some extra beef on the front line. Your Mom could provide this beef. Look at the stats:
Your mom is so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway.
Your mom is so fat her shits are as long as King Kong’s finger.
Your mom is so fat that she can’t fit in this joke.
Your mom is so fat she ain’t got cellulite she got celluheavy.
Your mom is so fat, if she was a dinosaur, her name would be Jell-Osaurus Rex.
Your mom is so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Your mom is so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
To make a long story short, it should be a perfect match.
So there’s definitely a chance for Your Mom to have one more shot in the NFL.
5. Danny Marino to Dancing With The Stars
Tom Izzo of ESPN Deportes reports that legendary Hall of Fame Dolphin quarterback Daniel Marino is set to be on DWTS this September. The official announcement of the new DWTS contestants will be made on May 25. All I know is, grandmas everywhere will be fucking amped.